Resources For Parents
I work three days a week (wed, thur, fri) as a wellbeing counsellor at Middle Park Primary School.
Resources are often discussed that may be useful to parents / primary care givers.
Find below resources in two parts:
Part 1 - Children
Brain development, child development, parenting, helping children manage feelings, building resilience, school refusal, ADHD, Autism, OCD and more.
Part 2 - Parents
Mental health support, helplines, relationships & marriage, how ‘we’ were parented, stress, burnout, anxiety, depression, grief, addiction and personality disorders.
Last Updated: 24th November 23
Part 1 - Children
Brain Development
Child (0-12)
A brief overview of the developing brain: How you can help your kids thrive as they grow (27 min read) Ever wondered why your child is capable of certain tasks at different ages? This blog will explains child brain development, developmental tasks and parental scaffolding to help your child thrive.
Teenage (12-19)
(10 min YouTube video) Sci “The Teenage Brain” Ever wondered why teenagers sleep more, can be irritable and take risks?
(14 min YouTube video) Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry, author and specialist on children, debunks myths about the Teenage Brain and "raging hormones".
Child Development
The Five Social and Emotional Competencies (9 min Youtube video). Ever wondered how your child can achieve better academic success and personal wellbeing?
Theory of Cognitive Development (7 min YouTube video). Ever wondered why your child’s thinking changes over time?
Stages of Artistic Development (3 min YouTube video). Ever wondered why children draw certain things at different ages?
Introverts and Extroverts (7 min YouTube video). Ever wondered why your child plays by herself?
High Sensitivity (7 min YouTube video). Ever wondered if your child is highly sensitive?
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset (7 min YouTube video). Ever wondered how to encourage your child to learn new skills?
The Science of Better Learning (5 min YouTube video). Ever wondered how you can improve your child’s learning ability?
Parenting
Emotion Coaching
This video discusses John Gottman’s book ‘Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.’ John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples and parents to find that a style of parenting called emotion coaching is the style that gets the best results.
This video reviews four types of parenting styles
Dismissing - Ignore emotions such as anger and sadness. Try to make the child happy.
Disapproving - Smiles and good moods over negative emotions. Try and distract from ‘bad’ feelings. Tell your child not to be sad. See feelings as harmful.
Laissez-Faire - No real guidance on behaviour. Anything goes. No limits or constraints.
Emotion Coaching - Notice emotions in themselves and in their child. Value emotions. Help children understand feelings and solve problems. Feelings are important.
Children raised by parents who value and guide emotions - the basis of emotion coaching do better in many ways. They form stronger friendships, do better in school, handle their moods better, bounce back from emotional events faster and are healthier.
Children who understand the importance of emotions and know how to communicate their feelings will be better able to manage life's challenges.
To better illustrate this parenting approach Dr. Gottman has identified five steps of emotion coaching.
Emotional awareness - Aware of your own emotions, such as shame and anger that may arise in reaction to their behaviour.
Connecting - Recognise emotional moments and feelings count.
Listening - With empathy and without judgement, criticism or dismissing.
Naming emotions - Naming the emotion will calm them down.
Finding good solutions - Setting limits and problem solving.
Tuning in to Kids Parenting Program
Tuning In To Kids - Tuning in to Kids® is a parenting programs, by the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Melbourne, that focus on the emotional connection between parents/carers and their children.
Tuning in to Kids® teach John Gottmans Emotion Coaching.
The evidence-based programs have proven successful in improving parenting, parent-child relationships and children’s emotional competence and behaviour.
I highly recommend subscribing to Tuning into Kids online (TIKOL)
For $99, they have unlimited access to 10 online video modules. I do not receive any funding, affiliation or promotion payments from the resources provided.
All videos include interviews with parents and real-life scenarios you will deal with every day. So you will really be able to relate.
From my perspective, Tuning in to Kids® summarises the latest research in neuroscience and child development (including John Gottman and Daniel Siegel) and puts it into practical use for parents.
I have laid out the 10 Module outline below:
Getting Started - emotions drive behaviour. What is the emotion behind the behaviour?
Emotional Intelligence - identify and understand emotions in yourself and others. This video also explains the growth of the brain and being able to put words to feelings.
Emotion Coaching - teaching our children about their emotions. Emotionally Dismissive (judgemental) vs Emotion Coaching. When to use and not use emotion coaching.
Tuning In - to your child’s emotions. Pay attention to the cues of our child’s emotions. The way their face and body language is. Put the breaks on your own needs. Pause, think ‘what is my child communicating’ before reacting. Say: “It sounds like…” “I can hear…” Put out there what you think the feeling would be.
Empathy - really stepping into your child’s shoes. ‘Whats it like for them?’ ‘What would it be like for me, in their shoes?’ Empathy is imagining how someone else feels, then communicating that because you’ve bought about accessing that feeling yourself. You’re ‘mirroring’ what their feeling. Say: “That’s tough…” “Oh gosh…” “Its really hard when…” “How scary…”
Automatic Reactions - Our children’s emotions can overwhelm our own emotions. This is uncomfortable, so we react to remove the uncomfort. We have a lot of automatic immediate reactions especially when tired, stressed or busy. This skill is about noticing our automatic reaction, pausing, then pivoting toward the child.
Fears - Fears and worries are a normal part of being human. Children often have fear and worries because they don’t understand. Our adult mind knows how things work - but our children don’t know that yet. Say: “Somethings worrying you…” “I can see how that would be scary…” “You seem worried about something…”
Anger - Anger is important for children to manage. Anger often brings up strong automatic reactions of shame, anger and embarrassment in us, especially around other people. Pause, before reacting. Often children are not encouraged to express anger. There is often something behind anger, like unfairness, not being included or jealousy. Ask yourself ‘what is behind the anger?’ Say: “I can hear how angry you are about that…”
Sibling Rivalry - when your kids fight it can bring up strong emotions. Children learn a lot from fighting with siblings. Sibling conflict is usually about fairness, attention and sides. The issues can be about their feelings about their relationships with you. Ask: ‘What is driving the fighting?’ Say: “I can see you’re really angry with…”
Final Thoughts - These skills take a lot of practice. Be kind to yourself. Ask: ‘What can I start to work on?’ Just have a go. How can I recharge my batteries so I can respond to my child’s emotional needs? Parents discuss the improvements they’ve seen in their child’s behaviour from using the previous nine steps.
Parenting Videos
How To Become A Better Parent (9 min YouTube video) Gabor Maté is a renowned speaker, and bestselling author. Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development.
Authenticity vs Attachment (4 min Youtube video). Gabor Mate suggests children have two primary needs, authenticity and attachment.
Toddler Regulates Behaviour (2 min YouTube video). Ever wondered how a child changes their behaviour to please adults?
The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life (7 min YouTube video).
How can you help a child who is having an emotional melt down? In this video, Author and Psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel demonstrates a step-by-step approach to help a child manage strong emotions (4 min YouTube video).
Parenting Books
The Whole Brain Child - Your toddler throws a tantrum in the middle of a store. Your preschooler refuses to get dressed. Your fifth-grader sulks on the bench instead of playing on the field. Do children conspire to make their parents’ lives endlessly challenging? No—it’s just their developing brain calling the shots! See a summary of the book here from Montessori.
Parenting From the Inside Out - J. Siegel, M.D., and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell, M.Ed., explore the extent to which our childhood experiences actually do shape the way we parent.
Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child - is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world. And as acclaimed psychologist and researcher John Gottman shows, once they master this important life skill, emotionally intelligent children will enjoy increased self-confidence, greater physical health, better performance in school, and healthier social relationships.
The Conscious Parent - While we think it’s our responsibility to mould and shape our children’s future, the essential premise of Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s A Call to Conscious Parenting is that our children are born to create deep internal transformation within us. Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s other book is The Awakened Family
Feelings
“Kids are not going to walk up to you and say, ‘I’m really struggling with some tough emotions right now and im not sure how to cope.’ They are going to act out and behave in challenging ways. It means the same thing.”
Sam Snowdon from Headspace sets out a strategy called RAIN. RAIN is a four step technique parents can use to help their children process difficult emotions.
Sam says, one of the most important things you can do is approach your children's difficult emotions with curiosity by asking questions and listening. It's important children understand that sadness, anger and frustration actually have a purpose in our lives.
These difficult emotions signal to us that something valuable is under threat or an important need of ours isn't being met.
If you try to quickly get your child to move on or distract them from uncomfortable feelings, it may make them more likely to avoid or suppress that feeling in the future.
R - Recognise - the difficult emotion by naming the emotion. “It seems like your frustrated, is that true?”
A - Accept - the emotion. “Lets try accepting that we don’t like this feeling.”
I - Investigate - how the emotion feels in their body. “How is your head feeling right now?”
N - Non-identification - this emotion is temporary. “Sometimes i get angry too.”
Sam Snowdon from Headspace sets out tips to help children in lockdown.
Tip - As parents and caregivers it's so tempting to help our little ones problem solve when they're upset. But, it can be harder for them to think through their problems. Emotions aren't a problem to solve. It's important to make time to sit and listen without interruptions.
As your child shares their feelings with you try to connect with the feelings by remembering times that you felt that way as well. “It's really hard to feel sad and it makes me want to run away too.”
Tip - While listening to your child share their feelings you may notice your attention drifting to your own automatic/reactive thoughts and judgements such as ‘this is so frustrating or when will they get over this.’
When this happens allow your attention to briefly turn toward your own inner experience and then smoothly return to your child. This allows you to stay present to both of your experiences while remaining open to your child.
Also remember that this takes practice, so be kind with yourself as you're learning.
Anger
(7 min YouTube video). Ever wondered why your child can “flip their lids” loose control and have a meltdown?
Anger Management For Kids (6 min YouTube video). In this video, you'll learn the definition of anger, how it affects you, and FOUR positive ways of coping!
Anxiety
This 14 min YouTube video explains what anxiety is, the anxiety / avoidance cycle and how to change your ‘thoughts’ and ‘actions’ to reduce anxiety.
The Anxious Brain Part 2 (11 min YouTube video). This video offers 10 skills to beat anxiety.
The Anxious Brain Part 3 (18 min YouTube video). Anxious, but you don’t know ‘why’? This video provides two reasons you might be anxious and don’t know ‘why’ (includes a great visual explanation of the anxiety cycle).
Your Brain on Stress and Anxiety (5 min YouTube video). Ever wondered what happens in the brain during stress and anxiety?
Tools To Help Children Manage Feelings
This is a feeling wheel. You can use it to help your child name their feelings. Primary feelings are in the centre circle. Secondary feelings are in the outer two circles. See the resilience presentation below for what primary & secondary feelings are and the difference between feelings and emotions.
Building Resilience
This is a presentation on Resilience I did to the parents at Middle Park Primary School, July 2021. It explains what resilience is and how parents can build resilience in their children. Here is a copy of the slides. This presentation also describes the three main parts of the human brain, what primary & secondary feelings are and the difference between feelings and emotions.
Empathy
(2 min YouTube video). Sadness empathises with Bingbong.
The Importance of Empathy (3 min YouTube video). This video explains what empathy is and why empathy is important.
Empathy in Children (4 min Youtube video). Ever wondered when a child develops empathy?
Trauma
Trauma and The Brain (9 min YouTube video). Ever wondered how trauma effects the brain?
Self Harm
Self Harm and Primary School Children (6 min YouTube video). Ever wondered what self harm is, why it may be there and how to treat it?
Why People Self Harm (5 min YouTube video). Ever wondered why people self harm?
Suicidal Ideation
Suicidal Ideation (4 min YouTube video). Ever wondered what suicidal ideation is?
School Refusal
(7 min YouTube video). Ever wondered why a child may refuse to go to school?
What Does School Refusal Look Like? (11 min YouTube video). Ever wondered what school refusal looks like for parents?
Royal Children’s Hospital
The RCH website is full of useful information to help support children.
LGBTIQA+
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, gender diverse, Intersex, Queer, Asexual and questioning (LGBTIQA+).
Click image to go to LGBTIQA+ Glossery Of Terms
You Cant Ask That is an ABC television series asking the most outrageous and uncomfortable questions to uncover the truth behind what it's like for marginalised and misunderstood Australians.
The Pride Centre (In St Kilda) has great resources on their website.
LGBTIQ+ equality is a Victorian Government website with great resources.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD is an anxiety disorder. People living with OCD are troubled by recurring unwanted thoughts, images, or impulses, as well as obsessions and repetitive rituals.
What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck is a book I use with kids which provides a simple understanding combined with practical strategies to help kids overcome OCD.
Sane Australia provides resources for understanding OCD.
International OCD foundation The mission of the International OCD Foundation is to help those affected by obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and related disorders to live full and productive lives.
ADHD
Click image to go to ADHD in Children Factsheet
ADHD Australia - Making Australia a better place for people living with ADHD.
A Child’s Perspective Of ADHD (5 min YouTube video). Ever wondered what ADHD feels like for kids?
ADHD Child vs. Non-ADHD Child Interview (6 min YouTube video). Two children were interviewed and asked the same questions. Both children are six years old, in the first grade, and have the same family structure, but their answers are very different. The reason? One of them has ADHD.
Failing at Normal: An ADHD Success Story (17 min YouTube video). Jessica McCabe tell us the story of her life. Once a gifted child with bright future, who later lives a life of a constant failures, because one thing - her ADHD diagnosis. Until one thing changed everything and she realized, that she is not alone. Her Youtube channel HowtoADHD is dedicated to help not only people with ADHD, but also their parents, partners a teachers and to remind them, that they are not alone.
Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of ADD - In this book Dr Gabor Mate demonstrates that ADD is not an inherited illness, but a reversible impairment and development delay. Scattered Minds enables parents to understand what makes their ADD children tick and how to help them.
Smart but Scattered - In this book learn easy-to-follow steps to identify your child's strengths and weaknesses, use activities and techniques proven to boost specific skills, and problem-solve daily routines.
Autism
Autism Spectrum Australia - understanding, engaging & celebrating the strengths, interests & aspirations of people on the autism spectrum.
Autism Awareness Australia - improving the lives of all Australians on the autism spectrum and the families who love them.
A Story of Undiagnosed Autism (17 min Youtube video) - What is autism and why is it difficult to get it diagnosed? In her talk Carrie shares her own personal journey towards diagnosis of autism: why it took 35 years, and what are the root causes for such invisible diversity?
Why everything you know about autism is wrong (13 min YouTube video) - Being diagnosed with autism is often seen as a tragedy. But for Jac den Houting, it was the best thing that's ever happened to her. In this talk, Jac combines these ideas with her own personal story to explain why we need to rethink the way that we understand autism.
Part 2 - Parents
For you or someone you know.
Support
Mental Health
Paediatrician and Psychologists Brighton Health Clinic For Kids
Psychology Deborah Jepsen
Couples & relationship counsellor Jo Woods
Individual, Couples, Family and Children’s Psychology inc. Psychological Assessments Wattle Tree Psychology
Family therapy Williams Road Family Therapy Centre
Men & boys psychology Blokes Psychology
Helplines
Mental Health Compass - Locates all the support services you need in your area.
Parentline VIC - is a phone service for parents and carers of children from birth to 18 years old. We offer confidential and anonymous counselling and support on parenting issues. Phone: 13 22 89 (cost of a local call) 8am to Midnight, 7 days a week.
Orange Door - Is a free service for adults, children and young people who are experiencing or have experienced family violence and families who need extra support with children.
Headspace - mental health support to 12 - 25 year olds.
DirectLine - Provides a 24-hour telephone counselling, information and referral service for anyone in Victoria wishing to discuss an alcohol or drug-related issue.
Gambling Help Online - Support for anyone affected by gambling.
Beyond Blue - Australia’s most well-known and visited mental health organisation, focused on supporting people affected by anxiety, depression and suicide.
Lifeline - A national charity providing all Australians experiencing emotional distress with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services.
SuicideLine is a free 24/7 telephone, video and online counselling service offering professional support to people at risk of suicide, people concerned about someone else’s risk of suicide, and people bereaved by suicide.
Relationships
John Gottman
John Gottman is an expert on researching what makes relationships work. John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. Here’s the science behind happy relationships!
Dr. John Gottman’s the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. They predict relationship failure with over 90% accuracy if the behaviour isn't changed.
Esther Perel
Esther Perel is a famed psychotherapist and an expert in relationships. (21min YouTube video) Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic: because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected — an expression of longing and loss. A must-watch for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.
In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire?
Where Should We Begin? Listen to Esther Perel counsel real couples as they reveal the most intimate, personal, and complicated details of the conflicts that have brought them to her door.
For more about Esther see her website
Books
My top books on relationships are Attached Mating in Captivity 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work and Nonviolent Communication.
Nonviolent Communication For Beginners (4 min YouTube video)
NonViolent Communication Animated Book Summary (5 min YouTube video).
The 5 Love Languages
(6 min YouTube video) People don't give and receive love in the same way. Most of us think that the way we want to be loved is how others want to be loved as well, but this is not the case! There are in fact 5 love languages...
Alan Watkins - Why you feel what you feel
(20 min YouTube video). Understanding why you feel what you feel is one of the most important aspects of human development. After understanding comes control. When you control your emotions, you can be more successful and happy.
Relationships Institute Australia is a great resource for relationships.
How We Were Parented (and How Our Parents Were Parented)
Unconsciously, we relive our mother’s anxiety. We repeat our father’s disappointments. We replicate the failed relationships of our parents and grandparents. Just as we inherit our eye color and blood type, we also inherit the residue from traumatic events that have taken place in our family. Illness, depression, anxiety, unhappy relationships and financial challenges can all be forms of this unconscious inheritance.
In this 7 min YouTube video, Daniel Siegel explains how we can recreate our past in the present.
Books
My top books on how we were parented are It Didnt Start With You and The Drama Of The Gifted Child
Stress And Burnout
How Can I REDUCE stress? (10 min read). My simple blog explaining what stress is, why its there and how to reduce it.
7 Early Signs of Burnout and 7 Ways To Recover (29 min podcast). One of the biggest challenges people face in their adult life is burnout. Jay Shetty talks about the early signs of burnout to watch for and how to help yourself recover exhaustion and fatigue.
5 Stages off Burnout (10 min read). Burnout is the state of mind that comes with long-term, unresolved stress that can negatively affect your work and your life. it’s important to understand the stages of burnout before you can work towards preventing it.
How To Make Stress Your Friend (14 min YouTube video). Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive, and introduces us to an unsung mechanism for stress reduction: reaching out to others.
Gabor Mate (77 min YouTube video). The connection between stress and disease. In this video Gabor Mate talks about what stress is, how it effects the body and how it can cause disease.
Anxiety & Depression
How To Cope With Anxiety (15 min YouTube video). Olivia Remes of the University of Cambridge will share her vision on anxiety and will unravel ways to treat and manage this health disorder.
This is why you could be depressed or anxious (21 min YouTube video). Johann Hari shares fresh insights on the causes of depression and anxiety from experts around the world - as well as some exciting emerging solutions.
Depression, the secret we share (29 min YouTube video). Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression -- only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories.
Serotonin and Treatments For Depression (4 min Youtube Video). This video explains how anti-depressants work in the brain and also suggests non-pharmaceutical treatments for depression.
Loneliness and Connection (54 min podcast). Brene talks with Vivek Murthy, the leading expert on lonliness. Vivek talks about lonliness and lack of connection (one of the biggest causes of depression).
Grief & Loss
Grief and Finding Meaning (46 min podcast). Brene talks with leading expert on Grief ‘David Kessler.’ They talk about what grief is, the stages of grief and how we can find meaning after grief.
To Learn further about Grief, I suggest two books Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief and On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss
Addiction
(19 min YouTube video). The best description of addiction.
Everything you know about addiction is wrong (19 min YouTube video). Johann Hari talks about the global history of addiction and our worldwide attempts to find a solution
To learn further about addiction, I suggest a book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
Trauma
How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime (16 min YouTube video). Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain.
To learn further about trauma, I suggest a book The Body Keeps the Score
Personality Disorders
12 min Youtube Video. What is the difference between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)? Here to tell you the difference is leading clinical psychologist, Dr. Ramani.
Signs You Were Raised by a Borderline Mother (18 min YouTube video). This video explores the research and clinical signs of how a person presents in therapy who may have been someone raised by a BPD mom or caregiver.
10 Signs of a Mother with Borderline Personality Traits (10 min YouTube video). What are the signs of a mother with borderline personality traits in the context of a mother daughter relationship or a mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship?
Amber Heard Borderline Personality (29 min YouTube video). A clinical psychologist hired by Johnny Depp's legal team testified that her evaluation of the actor's ex-wife Amber Heard showed she had two personality disorders: borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder.
