Why is Finding ‘Meaning In Life’ so Important?
There are nearly 8 billion people on this planet.
They all have something in common.
They all have a body part named after one man: Achilles.
Legend has it, Achilles was the greatest of all Greek warriors.
Achilles heroics are depicted in the movie Troy. His death, commencing by a shot of an arrow through the “Achilles heel” is shown in this YouTube clip.
Imagine if Achilles back in the 12th Century BC (3,200 years ago) during the Trojan War said, “I don’t want to fight today.”
But he didn’t.
Now, for the rest of time people will “remember his name.”
Achilles is immortal. He’s never truly died, nor ever will.
He left his legacy.
Isn’t that what we all want. For people to remember us after we’re gone?
That’s certainly what Irene Cara thought with the lyrics to her number 1, 1980 song Fame “I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna learn how to fly. I feel it coming together. People will see me and cry. (Fame!) I'm gonna make it to heaven. Light up the sky like a flame (Fame!). I'm gonna live forever. Baby, remember my name.”
But people remembering us is just one part of the meaning story.
8 minute read.
Meaning ‘of’ Life vs Meaning ‘in’ Life
Here in this blog, I’m not referring to “what is the meaning ‘of’ life?”
This is a general humanity question to do with, as a species “why are we here?”
And boy, for millennia we’ve got lost with that one.
In this blog, I’m looking at:
Why is finding an ‘individual’ meaning ‘in’ life so important?
In other words, why do we spend our lives searching for something to give our lives meaning?
Meaning vs Meaning ‘less’
Meaning
The definition of ‘meaning’ has baffled scholars and researchers.
It baffles us too. Meaning seems complicated and deep.
Yet, we use the word ‘meaning’ every day.
We know meaning ‘means’ something important to us, but we’re not sure what.
The meaning of ‘meaning’ I believe lies in looking at language.
So, we’re going to do a language experiment to simplify meaning.
Let’s put the word ‘meaning’ to the side for a second and look at its opposite: meaning ‘less.’
Meaning ‘less’
When I think of ‘my’ life being ‘meaningless’ it brings up these thoughts: “I’m nothing.” “I’m no one.” “I don’t exist.” “My life is empty.” “I’m insignificant.” “No one knows me.” “What’s the point.” “It’s hopeless.”
When I read those thoughts back to myself, meaningless feels like:“I’m dying now.” “I don’t make a difference.” “I don’t matter.” “There’s no reason to live.” “No one would care if I was gone.” “I might as well be dead already.” “What’s the point in living?”
That’s just my individual perspective. But collectively I notice we use similar language to describe meaningless in our jobs and work.
In a meaningless job we say we feel “dead” “empty” “numb” “vacant” “hollow” or “my job is soulless.” Doing what we’re doing, we feel like“we won’t be remembered” “who cares?” “what’s the point?” “I’m wasting my life” “It’s just a daily grind” “I can’t see how my work contributes” “my work doesn’t matter” or “work is just a means to an end.”
So, just by looking at the language we use, ‘meaningless’ translates into three things:
Not being recognised or remembered by others (“I’m nothing.” “I’m no one.” “No one knows me.”“No one would care if I was gone.” “We won’t be remembered.” “Who cares?” “I can’t see how my work contributes.”)
A wasted, worthless, purposelessness or insignificant life (“I don’t exist.” “My life is empty.” “I’m insignificant.” “What’s the point?” “It’s hopeless.” “I don’t make a difference.” “I don’t matter.” “There’s no reason to live.” “My job is soulless.” “It’s just a daily grind.” “I’m wasting my life.” “My work doesn’t matter.” “Work is just a means to an end.”)
Dying, our own death and/or the fear of our own death (“I’m dying now.” “I might as well be dead already.” “What’s the point in living?”)
It is these three things that motivate us to find ‘meaning.’
Hitting The Books
If you look at the word meaning, it’s difficult to grasp its relation to these three things.
But it’s there.
I’m going to enlist the help of a few people who have been researching these topics for over 60 years to lay it out.
I’ll let their words speak for themselves.
Afterwords, we’ll look again at why finding meaning in life is so important.
Mark Manson (& Ernest Becker)
Ernest Becker wrote The Denial of Death in 1974. It’s one of the most ground breaking books of the 20th century. While I’m going to quote Becker himself, Mark Manson in his self-help book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, provides a great summary of Becker’s book. Here it is:
“In The Denial of Death, Ernest Becker says that we have two “selves.” The first self is the physical self - the one that eats, sleeps, snores and poops. The second self is our conceptual self - our identity, or how we see ourselves. Becker’s argument is this: We are all aware on some level that our physical self will eventually die, that this death is inevitable and that its inevitability - on some unconscious level - scares the shit out of us. Therefore, in order to compensate for our fear of the inevitable loss of the physical self, we try to construct a conceptual self that will live on forever. This is why people try so hard to put their names on buildings, on statues, on spines of books. It’s why we feel so compelled to spend so much time giving ourselves to others, especially to children, in the hopes that our influence - our conceptual self - will last way beyond our physical self. That we will be remembered and revered and idolised long after our physical self ceases to exist. Becker called such efforts our “immortality projects,” projects that allow our conceptual self to live on way past the point of our physical death. All of human civilisation, he says, is basically a result of immortality projects: the cities and governments and structures and authorities in place today were all immortality projects of men and women who came before us. They are remnants of conceptual self’s that cease to die. Whether it be through mastering an art form, conquering a new land, gaining great riches, or simply having a large and loving family that will live on for generations, all the ‘meaning’ in our life is shaped by this innate desire to never truly die.”
Ernest Becker
“Becker describes human pursuit of “immortality projects” (or causa sui), in which we create or become part of something that we feel will outlast our time on earth. In doing so, we feel that we become heroic and part of something eternal that will never die, compared to the physical body that will eventually die. This gives human beings the belief that our lives have ‘meaning’.”
Becker and Manson’s work lays the foundation. It provides the platform for the remainder of this blog. The other people quoted reference Becker’s work, in particular “immortality projects.”
Irvin Yalom
Irvin Yalom is an existential psychologist. Existential psychologists are people that work with clients on the psychology of just existing. Irvin noticed through his work that there is one thing that humans struggle with most: the terror of their own death.
In 2008, Irvin Yalom wrote Staring at The Sun: Overcoming The Terror of Death
Here are a few of the best bits from this book:
“As the years go by, death concerns are pushed aside for two major life tasks: pursuing a career and having a family. Then, three decades later, as children leave home and the end points of professional career loom, the midlife crisis bursts upon us, and death anxiety once again erupts with great force. From that point on, concerns about death are never far from mind.”
“It’s not easy to live every moment wholly aware of death. Because we cannot live frozen in fear, we generate methods to soften deaths terror. We project ourselves in the future through our children; we grow rich, famous, ever larger; we develop compulsive protective rituals.”
“Death anxiety is the mother of all religions. God, not only softens the pain of mortality through some vision of an everlasting life but also provides a clear blueprint for living a meaningful life.”
In quoting a client, Irvin says,“She explained that the thought of becoming nothing consumed her, and became everything. By leaving traces of herself, her life will gain in meaning.”
In reflecting on a recent client, Irvin says, “Why was George (the clients son) so central to her life? Yes, it was her son. But it was more than that. He was too central. It was if her whole life depended on his success. I discussed [with her] how, for many parents, children often represent an ‘immortality project.’ She recognised that she had hoped to extend herself into the future through George.”
“Death concerns are not conscious to most individuals but must be inferred by disguised manifestations: for example, excessive religiosity, an all consuming accumulation of wealth, and blind grasping for power and honour, all of which offer a counterfeit version of immortality.”
Rachel and Ross Menzies
Dr Rachael Menzies and Professor Ross Menzies, are both acclaimed psychologists whose life’s work has focused on death anxiety. In 2021, they wrote Mortals: How The Fear of Death Shaped Human Society.
Here are a few of the best bits from this book:
“The human desire to reproduce is heavily driven by the overwhelming need to live on beyond the self. To see oneself in a child’s face provides a ready solution to death anxiety. In my offspring I survive.”
“Humans continue to crave immortality in any form we can get it. Producing child after child to continue ones genetic line, academic achievement, setting records, producing lasting works or art or literature, engaging in unrivalled spending and consumerism - are all attempts to gain immortality.”
“My hunger for immortality drives me to leave a tangible mark on the world, as a permanent reminder that I once lived and breathed.”
“While our physical self may be rotting away beneath the ground, our conceptual self may continue to flourish above ground. This, Becker says is what drives us to pursue achievements that give us a sense of meaning. We may continue to live on through our reputation, our legacies, our children.”
“The fear of death influences so many of our behaviours. If our culture tells us that success derives from material goods, then we will spend to our hearts content, in the hope of being remembered after death as a significant member of society. With each new luxury watch, designer handbag and kitchen renovation, we gain a greater sense of importance and purpose, and feel more likely to transcend the physical limits of the grave. We will slavishly follow the the flows of fashion or climb corporate ladders in the grand but ultimately futile plan of being remembered across time.”
Let’s look again at why finding meaning in life is so important.
Why is Finding ‘Meaning In Life’ so Important?
Going back to the start.
Life being meaningless brings up three things:
Not being recognised or remembered by others (“I’m nothing.” “I’m no one.” “No one knows me.”“No one would care if I was gone.” “We won’t be remembered.” “Who cares?” “I can’t see how my work contributes.”)
A wasted, worthless, purposelessness or insignificant life (“I don’t exist.” “My life is empty.” “I’m insignificant.” “What’s the point?” “It’s hopeless.” “I don’t make a difference.” “I don’t matter.” “There’s no reason to live.” “My job is soulless.” “It’s just a daily grind.” “I’m wasting my life.” “My work doesn’t matter.” “Work is just a means to an end.”)
Dying, our own death and/or the fear of our own death (“I’m dying now.” “I might as well be dead already.” “What’s the point in living?”)
None of this sounds very good, does it?!
In response to these three things, the books show us that:
1. Meaning:
It is “Immortality that gives us meaning.”
Like Achilles and Irene Cara, if people remember us after our death it feels like our life had meaning. In other words, feeling like we will live on in the mind of someone else or in some permanent work or mark, means that our life meant something.
Manson said we do this “in the hopes that our influence - our conceptual self - will last way beyond our physical self. That we will be remembered and revered and idolised long after our physical self ceases to exist.” Yalom called it “leaving traces of ourselves” or “extending ourselves into the future.” The Menzies called it “being remembered across time” and “transcending the physical limits of the grave.”
Back to the language experiment. The language we use to describe meaning supports the theme of immortality. When talking about meaning, we talk about “our legacy.” We say things like “This is my legacy.” “My family legacy will live on.” “This is the legacy I want to leave.”
The word ‘legacy’ has different definitions:
Google describes it as “Long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.”
Britannica say legacy is “Something (such as property or money) that is received from someone who has died.”
This Legacy Law company define legacy as “something that is ‘passed on.’ But Legacy can take many forms. A Legacy may be of one's faith, ethics and core values. A Legacy may be monetary or your assets. A Legacy may come from one's character, reputation and the life you lead – setting an example for others and to guide their futures. Legacies often tremendously impact, encourage and leave pathways for future generations.”
But, all the definitions of the word legacy, in some way shape or form refer to “being remembered after we’re gone” which points directly to immortality.
So, believing we’re special or god like enough to be immortal, provides us with meaning.
Meaning (or immortality) then gives us two more things crucial for our life and death; “purpose” and “reduce the fears of death.”
“One who possesses a sense of meaning, experiences life as having some purpose or function to be fulfilled.”
2. For Life: “Purpose”
The first, is that by having meaning (immortality) our life has some “purpose”, importance or significance. That our life is anchored in a sense of permanence. That we existed. That we were real. That we were here. That there is a point to our lives. That our lives mattered.
The language we use to describe purpose is: “I feel needed”“I have a function to be fulfilled.” “I have a role to play. “I have ‘a reason to be alive.’” “I’m useful.” “I make a difference.” “I’ve stamped my mark.” “I make an impact.”
3. For Death: “Reduce Fears of Death”
The second, is that by having meaning (immortality) we won’t fear, or it will “reduce the fears of our own death” or soften deaths terror.
The language we use to describe reducing fear of death is: “I can die without regrets.” “I’ve lived my life to the fullest.”
So, Finding ‘Meaning In Life’ Is Important…
Because doing something meaningful, gives us the belief that we will live on forever; that we are immortal.
“Meaning” then leads to our life having
“Purpose”, and
Reduces or eliminates our “fear of death.”
Pretty important, huh!
What is ‘Meaning’ Itself?
Meaning (derived from immortality) can be assigned to anything.
Becker called these “immortality projects.”
Any project (cause, fight or contribution) that gives us a sense of immortality, gives us a sense of meaning.
Meaning is unique to the individual. What gives one person meaning, is different from another. It could be from something as big as being a prime minister influencing a country - to helping children in Africa - to doing your everyday job - to having a child - to carving your name into a wall - to locking a padlock with your name on it onto a bridge.
Here’s my immortality project as an example:
Cause: I work part-time as a primary school wellbeing counsellor
‘Meaning’: Being a counsellor gives me the belief that I will positively influence the kids lives. When they’re in their 60’s, and I’m long gone, I hope they look back and remember a counsellor that helped them at school. In this way, I hope to live on through the kids.
Purpose: The meaning ‘gives me a reason’ to show up and work hard at being a good counsellor, so that I achieve the meaning
In this way, we can all edit, shape or change our lives so that we find meaning.
But while this is true, I’ve noticed common patterns about how people find meaning.
How People Find Meaning
The first thing I’ve noticed is that people appear to find meaning externally or internally.
Taking this logic, the second thing I’ve noticed is that In the first half of peoples lives they seem to find external meaning.
Then, sometime around midlife they transition towards internal meaning.
Here’s what this process typically looks like.
External Meaning
Generally, for the first half of life, people are not conscious of their fear of death, so they unwittingly construct a sense of meaning (immortality) by what society says is meaningful (grey icons in the picture).
Meaning is therefore generated externally: by things outside of themselves. Things like awards, degrees, climbing the corporate ladder, social status, prestige, power, money, wealth, possessions, marriage, children, fame and success.
A fancy wardrobe, designer goods, a new kitchen renovation, working at a prestigious company and a large bank balance all provide them with meaning.
In short, the message from the external society world says, “success provides immortality”; the more successful you are, the more you will be remembered through time (man on top of mountain with flag).
By doing this, superficially their life looks great.
But, under the surface, the external meaning comes at a tremendous cost.
Yalom points this out:
“Who has known someone (including, perhaps, ourselves) so outwardly directed, so concerned with accumulating possessions or about what others think, as to lose all sense of self?”
In referring to Tolstoy’s: The Death of Ivan Ilych, Yalom lays out the consequences of focusing on the external world:
“As death approaches, Ivan Ilych realises that all his life he has shielded himself from the notion of death through his preoccupation with prestige, appearance, and money. He awakens to the fact that he is dying so badly, because he has lived so badly. In shielding himself from death, he has shielded himself from life as well.”
What Irvin is saying, is that by focusing on the external, the outer world, they shut off or neglect parts of their inner world; they lose who they are.
In other words, they have two lives. There is the life they live and the “unlived life” within them.
The more unlived their life, the more they fear death:
Yalom talking with a client, “What precisely do you fear about death? Julies answer: all the things I would not have done. She had much to fear from death because she had not lived the life available to her. This points to a theme to many who face death: the positive correlation between the fear of death and the sense of unlived life. In other words, the more unlived your life the greater your death anxiety. The more you fail to experience your life fully, the more you will fear death.”
External Meaning To Internal Meaning
“It is only what an individual is that counts; neither wealth nor material goods nor social status nor a good reputation results in happiness.”
It is usually in midlife when a crisis occurs (man in black at his computer) : such as a death of someone close to them; a separation or divorce; fears of their own death or “their time is running out”; a health scare; their children leaving home (empty nest); or the loss of a their job, that they have an irreversible “wake up call.”
This irreversible “awakening experience” jerks them out of the external world and into the internal world.
The fear of death and their own mortality then abruptly come to the surface. They are forced to look in the mirror (man looking in mirror) and face their own death and accept their mortality. The result of accepting their own mortality, reduces the fear of death and gives them the freedom to change (arrows change).
They realign life’s priorities. They let go of external meaning and cross a threshold to find internal meaning: the unlived life with in them.
Internal Meaning
“Become who you are. Nietzsche exhorted us to avoid the unlived life. He was saying, fulfil yourself, realise you potential, live boldly and fully. Then, and only then, die without regret.”
They begin constructing a life of authenticity, connection and self-fulfilment. This is commonly following an “inner calling” need to contribute to a cause “greater than themselves.” To “give back” to the community in some way; to be useful to people, to be valuable to people, to be helpful to people, to be needed, to be of service, to teach something, to create something or to produce something.
Meaning constructed in this way generally involves this three phase process:
A story of them overcoming adversity in their life
Then packaging that story up and “giving back” the lessons learned to positively influence others
So that others don’t experience the same adversity.
In other words, to “pass back” the lessons of their life to help someone else, in the hopes of living on forever.
This may look like “finding their fight.” This could be the thing that they fight for because of something that’s happened to them, something they’re pissed off about or something that threatens what they care about. In other words, their internal meaning can be shaped by “righting a wrong.” And the result of righting that wrong, betters people or planet (hand holding world).
Here are some examples:
A man works in construction for 30 years. But, in midlife, he decides he wants to “give back” to improve the industry. He re-trains to become a teacher and starts teaching construction management at a local university. He uses his story of construction, to positively influence students, which makes him feel like his life experiences meant something, and he will live on forever in the mind of the students. Suddenly his life has “more meaning” because “he’s making a difference.”
A man was homeless when he was a teenager. As a response, he worked hard to climb the corporate ladder. But in midlife, he wants to make sure other teenagers don’t experience what he did. He starts a non-for-profit dedicated to helping homeless youth.
In the process of locating this internal meaning they will find “who they really are” and discover the unvlived life within them.
The next step is where they translate this internal meaning into an internally driven meaningful career.
A career where for the first time in their lives, they discover “that they can truely be themselves.”
Lastly, by following internal meaning, they can die without regret.
When they’re gone, they can have faith that those that mattered to them will stand up at their eulogy and say “they made a difference to the world.”
